Midnight Thoughts That Never Count

I’ve got blood in my eyes,
A broken heart in my chest.
A million thoughts on my mind,
And a troubled soul in my flesh.

I see no one I can call a friend.
I stretch out my bleeding hands,
In high hopes that someone can lend a helping hand.

I was born all alone.
One day I’ll lie in a grave on my own.
So why am I scared of spending the rest of my life on my own?

Will they miss me when I’m gone?
Before I leave, Will love ever show,
Its crooked face at my door?
And enter into this lonely life I call home?

They tell me to Man Up.
But I’ve already taken this turn once.
No emotions or self-expression allowed around here coz we’re men“, that’s why I made this secret blog so I can let my pen lash out.

Friends who barely know me.
A father who disowned me.
A world that hates me. I wonder why. Did I do you wrong? If I did, then before I die, I’d like to say, I’m Sorry.

A couple of shots to drown the pain.
Then hide my emotions before they start thinking I’m insane.
Put on a fake smile on my face.
Step out into the world and attach a lie to all my greetings by responding, “I’m great!”

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9 thoughts on “Midnight Thoughts That Never Count

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  1. Keep writing it all out. It will help.
    I doubt that your father had a good enough reason to disown you. A son has to do something very bad for a decent father to do that. Maybe if you were a mass murderer or a serial rapist there would be an excuse, but I don’t think you are, somehow.
    Like Robin Williams said in that movie I can’t remember the name of:
    It’s not your fault.
    Write these words across your computer screen, so you see them every time you switch it on:
    IT’S NOT MY FAULT MY FATHER DISOWNED ME.
    It’s a start…
    Oh, and by the way, I like your poem.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very true. Looking at the bright side, growing up with just mom made me appreciate women more. As kids, parents think you don’t see everything that’s happening behind the scenes but I saw it all. The abuse, suffering and sacrifices she had to make has made me a better man. Because I saw my mom cry a lot of times, I promised myself that I would never make any other woman cry. Promised myself I would never cheat, hurt, assault or disrespect a woman. So thanks dad! I learnt something valuable from your absence after all!

      Thanks. I’m glad you like it!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It was traditionally believed that those who grew up with abuse are more likely to become abusers. I never believed this, and recent studies appear to have shown that I was right. Your message reinforces my belief that those who witness such suffering as children are no more likely to become abusers than those who don’t.
        It sounds as if you’ve inherited good feminine qualities from your mother – qualities any woman should appreciate, but which make a lot of men feel nervous.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. I know right! I never believed in this either. We often see abusive people using the excuse “My dad used to abuse my mom.” and I keep telling people that this is not a valid excuse.

      Thanks hey! Unfortunately having these feminine qualities and emotions is always frowned upon in men. Its not “Manly” apparently. More often than not, we tend to be labelled soft. Even most girls don’t like such guys (I think).

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think that most women come to prefer men with feminine qualities, after a few years of living with martians who are incapable of communicating on an equal level. As for girls, they often start out prefering the bad boy image, but then they become women.

        Liked by 1 person

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