Faulty Me : Broken

I swear there’s something wrong with me.
When I look in the mirror, all I see is a bunch of faults on me.
I reminisce about the time before adolescence when all my blemishes never used to bother me.

Look past what’s on the outside and you’ll notice my inside is just as messed up.
I have issues. Yes, I’ll confess now!
I’m insecure, stubborn, antisocial, naive, childish, boring, stuck up, moody and so far gone to the point where i feel like I don’t belong here like a visitor in a guesthouse.

Sometimes, I hate being around people.
But when I’m alone, I hate the fact that I have no one to lean on.
It seems like people only want me as their minion
(And never as their equal)
They only love me for what I can do for them, but as soon as they are done using me they yell out, “Be Gone!”

But can you blame them? Like honestly, have you taken a look at me lately?
If I was you, I’d probably negate me
(too)
If I was you, I’d probably estrange me
(too)
When I look in the mirror and scrutinize my personality, I kind of understand why the world hates me.
I kind of understand why they won’t tolerate me.
So here I am baring my soul. You have my blessing. You can go ahead and berate me.

The fault, dear Brutus is not in our stars. But in ourselves, that we are underlings.” – Cassius in Shakespeare’s play “Julius Caesar“.

Having said that, I don’t blame God or anyone for my imperfections, flaws, depression and faults. Throughout my 25 years, I probably made myself “Faulty”. I have no one else to blame (but me) for the person I turned out to be.

Therefore, It’s time for me to change every aspect of me and make myself perfect. I promise to give the world a better (perfect) version of me. I’m putting all the depression, insecurity, low self-esteem and antisocial behavior behind me.

2017. A New Year. A New Me.

– A Million Thoughts & A Heart

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8 thoughts on “Faulty Me : Broken

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  1. You’re a model of low self esteem. I’m guessing your motto is “Run myself down before someone else does it for me.”
    I used to do a lot of that, but then I got lucky – a few people barged their way into my lives, and liked me. After that I felt less paranoid. ‘Course, it didn’t happen until I was about 50 🙂
    On another subject – great poem. It needs to be read aloud for the rap feel to be truly appreciated. You really got into you stride in the last stanza.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! It means a lot. I’ll admit, I do suffer from low self esteem. The fact that I’m a guy makes it even more embarrassing. Lately, I’ve discovered one or two people who genuinely care about me which has helped lift my spirit the past few weeks.

      Like

      1. They care about you? That means they must like you.. if they like you there must be something likeable about you…
        I know you’re likeable from reading a couple of your posts – now you have to start to believe it…
        One thing I’ve learnt from blogging is that it builds your self-esteem and confidence, as long as you go out there and connect with people, and you’re doing that.
        You’re on your way…

        Liked by 1 person

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